The Problem With A Self Portrait

So if you have been following me for awhile you have probably seen or heard somewhere that I have never painted a self portrait.  I've done little drawings and doodles of course, a few for school assignments.  But a self portrait is so much more than that.  Many collectors and fans of my work often ask if my paintings are of me and if I have a self portrait.  The answer.  No.
    Honestly I really thought that I never would create a self portrait.  The fact that I now believe that I am ready to, is evidence of me truly growing and expanding as an artist, and a person.
    What is a self portrait and why has it been so hard for me to create?  A 'Self portrait' is NOT JUST ANOTHER PAINTING.  A self portrait does not have to be an exact physical representation of yourself.  A self portrait is not what you think others want to see.  A self portrait is not what you want others to see or even how you want to see yourself.  A self portrait is most importantly not a fake, a ruse or a mistruth, a white lie or an exaggeration.  Thats why they are so special, so demanding, so frightening.  A self portrait lays bare and naked every self doubt, every flaw, every ounce of narcissism and gut feeling.  Every win every loss, the things we know about ourselves and the things we don't.  It reveals the things that we deny, try to hide, pain, happiness, sorrow and anger.  It is the ultimate window into the artistic soul and vision.  By releasing the self portrait to the world the artist in fact shows a part of themselves that you would otherwise never know, whatever it may be.  In fact if done honestly a self portrait will undress the artist to their viewers, connecting them.
    So I have been holding off on the painting of the self portrait because it's terrifying.  And one cannot paint an honest self portrait if they are afraid.  This is where the growing and changing as an artist and a person comes in.  I think I'm ready to do it.  To paint my portrait. To come clean and be honest with myself.  I will be painting it as a part of my upcoming collection in December of this year.  The collection will be mixed media based, combining fine art and photography on canvas.
-XO-

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